Gulp...

My mother is a very lonely and lost person. I can choose to hate her for her actions or to understand the background of her emotions. I choose the latter, but respectfully realize I must grow away from home and not come back. I cannot surround myself with negative personas.

Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey

The song resonates with my everyday thoughts. 

But sometimes I sit and think “wait, I may be young, but it’s not like I’m beautiful.”

Hmm.

I WANT OPRAH TO PAY FOR MY TUITION

If you have a Twitter, please like/share/retweet my posts asking Oprah and other various celebrities to help pay for my college tuition.

Let’s get #EducateAbby trending!

Oh also, you can follow @AOchengco. I made a Twitter strictly to ask for help with college tuition.


I hope to study Biomolecular Engineering Fall 2013 (possible major switch to Medical Biotechnology). A little background on why I need help:

                Having a family full of nurses and optometrists, I have always been surrounded by people of medical professions. When I was younger, my cousins and I would play with toy syringes while wearing old scrubs. I distinctly remember arguing with my cousin John when his seven-year old self screamed that girls couldn’t be doctors. We were such odd children, but him pretending to be a soldier in need of a vaccine back then and him now being enlisted in the Navy only proves that childhood dreams can come true – though sometimes in just a slight variation from the initial vision.

                When I was six years old, I felt a sharp pain in the lower right of my abdomen. This was no time for playing doctor. I honestly felt that my insides were ripping to shreds… And well, my feelings were correct; my appendix had burst. I spent six months in and out of hospitals, due to complications with the laser surgery I had gotten to remove the ruptured organ. For the weeks I had spent at home in bed rest, my aunt taught me how to administer my own IV medication (under her supervision, of course). My favorite part of the procedure was sticking a plastic film over where the IV was inserted into my arm. I called the film “fake skin.” I remember how special I felt when doctors called me brave for watching them stick needles into my arm to draw blood or inject medication. From then on, I’ve thought that working at the pediatrics section of a hospital would be a fitting career. I can see myself in a cartoon-print uniform, easing children’s minds by clearly explaining what’s being done to each patient so they see the positives to the sometimes-painful procedures.  Thankfully, I healed with time and my scars from the appendectomy have faded.

                With that said, the stress of me going in and out of hospitals and being deathly ill with infections caused my father to turn to gambling. What was set aside for my college tuition – the bulk of my parents’ savings ($30k) – was gone within a few months, in addition to my father going into credit card debt. Without my aunt, we may have gone homeless. I was shuffled between family members and slept on couches or the floor most days. I didn’t have my own room or bed until I was twelve.  My parents struggle to pay rent and buy food because all of their wages go towards paying interest to multiple banks. My father has since changed his ways and completely devotes himself to helping the family by maintaining two to three jobs at a time. I am unable to receive much financial aid because of his high income, regardless of the fact that all of it goes towards filling in the hole his past bad habits left.

                I want a career in the medical field to help build a stronger healthcare system for future generations. Affordable and effective medication and health services should be available to all, with doctors, nurses, and technicians who are dedicated and compassionate. I hope to see many others like me, intrigued by the reactions that happen within the human body and entertained by the thought of creating less pain-inducing medical equipment. Helping others will help me take another step forward to my own self-fulfillment. A scholarship would aid my efforts in fulfilling this dream. I do not want to put a heavier financial burden on my parents and aim to take all loans myself, so any amount of financial aid is of great benefit.

I HAD A REVELATION. Stitch is called “Stitch” because he’s what hold’s Lilo’s torn family together…

If this is love, it’s the easiest thing to do.

So I read The Great Gatsby (CAUTION SPOILERS)

                The Modernistic, Jazz-Age novel, The Great Gatsby, emphasizes the corruption of the American dream in the 1920’s. Battling between materialism and morality, characters like Jay Gatsby are conflicted with hopes to re-enter the past. Adultery, deception, and the need for social power are highlights that drive the plot of The Great Gatsby.

                The main antagonist of the novel is Daisy Buchanan. Described to be ditzy and seductive, Daisy is both in love with Gatsby and her husband, Tom Buchanan. Though she falls in love with Gatsby first, Daisy marries Tom for financial security and to be of high social class. (Gatsby is rich, though he has attained his wealth through bootlegging.) Gatsby knows this and so he continually throws parties to invite Daisy over. In his attempts to keep Daisy’s attention, Gatsby even “bought a house just to be across the bay from Daisy.” It is also mentioned that Gatsby often spends time looking across the bay to see a “green light” shining on the water. This imagery of green light symbolizes Gatsby’s continuous hope to be with Daisy, despite large obstacles.

                Gatsby is not the only emotionally damaged character in The Great Gatsby. Although Daisy refuses Gatsby’s affection and marries Tom, Tom is found to be an abusive and unfaithful man. Tom lowers Daisy’s self-confidence by treating her as nothing but a trophy wife and cheating on her with Myrtle. Daisy’s dialogue of wanting her “[daughter] to be a beautiful fool” gives insight into her thoughts of herself, perhaps even displaying the mindset of all women during the Roaring Twenties.

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That really brought down my night.

I don’t know if I wanted to hear from you or not.

PS: Eww, I have to wake up in 4 hours.

As I wrote my scholarship essay,

Repressed memories of him with a gun to his head, 10 feet away from me came to mind. 

I can never forget, can I?